Twenty Years

7 03 2012

Twenty years ago, I had just started performing improv.  Admittedly, it was pretty bad improv.  Bar-prov.  Improv in bars, is not the most artistically satisfying experience for a performer.  Performing improv in bars is like doing a cooking-demo in a strip club.  Nobody gets what you’re doing.  Nobody cares what you’re doing.  You’re just a distraction from the main event.  (And they’d probably prefer it if you were naked).  Now, I’m not saying that it’s impossible to do some good, quality improv in bars, it’s just difficult.  Some current Chicago improvisers might disagree with me on this point, and that’s fine.  But I would mention to them that this was in Kentucky in the early to mid nineties.  No one even knew what an improv group was.

We were sometimes booked for gigs only to disappoint the establishment when we showed up without guitars and a keyboard.  When folks heard the words, “improv group” they thought they were either hiring a group of stand-ups or a jazz ensemble.  Twenty minutes into our show at The Kentucky State Fair, we still had audience members shouting out requests for songs we should play.  To this day, I sincerely believe that they weren’t heckling us.  They were just drunk, confused, and honestly thought we were a group of musicians.  Without instruments.  A really shitty band.  But why else would a group of people be on stage together in a beer tent at the fair?  The concept of improvised theatre was so far out of the realm of possibility for your average person back then.

Our steady gig was closing out amateur night at the local comedy club.  I guess you could say we were the headliners of amateurs.  Sort of a back-handed honorific.  The highest of the lows.

Let’s give a hand to all of the comics you’ve seen tonight!  We’re gonna do a little something different for ya.  We’re the ReActors, and we’re going to take suggestions from YOU, the audience, for our entire show!  We’re gonna start tonight off by telling you a joke.  And the joke goes something like this:  185 blanks walk into a bar.  The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve blanks.”  And the 185 blanks said, something funny.  You give us the blank and we’ll give you the something funny.

Now since we were performing in bars, typically we’d get the word, “dildo.”  I was seventeen.  I didn’t know what a dildo was.  I understood the concept.  But the first time I’d ever heard that word was on stage during an improv show.  It only took hearing a few punchlines to figure out what everyone was talking about.  By then, I could come up with something myself.

 185 dildos said, “That’s okay, we’ll go to the bar that’s a little to the left, no right, no left, yeah, right there.”

I learned a lot as a young improviser.  I learned about prostitution, gynecology, proctology, and sex.  I got kissed a lot in my late teens and early twenties (minus a few exceptions, they were mostly stage-kisses).  I referenced movies before I saw them, acted out sports I’d never played, and basically, portrayed experiences I’d never experienced.

No wonder my improv wasn’t that great.  Sure, part of the reason is that I was green at improv.  (Part of the reason is that I was performing most of my shows in bars.)  But part of the reason is that I was green at life.

Now, improv and I have been together a good, long while.  But I still learn a lot as an older improviser.  I learn about relationships, people, and myself.  More and more, I portray experiences I’ve actually experienced.

Twenty years ago, I had just started performing improv.  It has made up such a huge part of my life.  They say, “Good things come to those who wait.”  But with improv—or any theatre—or any art-form, for that matter—good things come to those who do.  Those who do poorly at first, but continue to do…through the dildo jokes, the beer tents, and the 185 whatevers…..until they are able to get to the relationships, the people, and themselves.

Twenty years ago, I gave improv myself and improv gave me the something funny, the something expressive, the something connected, and all the countless somethings about myself.





doing what you love

24 02 2012

Sometimes, I wish life was as simple to live as a Rumi quote.

Sometimes, it is.

Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.  ~Rumi

Sure, if you follow your dream, life can be really challenging.  But you know what?  Life can be really challenging if you don’t follow your dream.  Either way, you’ll experience loss, failure, obstacles, and disappointments.  But only by following your dream can you truly experience the lightness and joy of fulfilling your purpose.

That doesn’t mean your purpose can’t change–or rather, that your methodology for fulfilling your purpose can’t change.  It’s wise to occasionally focus in and re-evaluate what it is that you love–what it is that you want.  People can get caught up in chasing old dreams, long after their desires have changed.

Let the beauty we love be what we do.  ~Rumi

What do you love?

What will you do?





Hell Yeah

15 02 2012

I really needed this song today.  Just in case you do too, here ’tis:

Still I think about myself as a lucky old dreamer.  And if you’re askin’ me to tell, is it worth what I paid?  You’re gonna hear me say, “Hell yeah, it is.”





the small moments

15 02 2012

condolences

is a big word with lots of sylables

that folks use when they don’t know what to say

if you ask me when I miss her most

it’s in the small moments

the unexpected times

the ones that don’t always make sense

washing a plate

stretching out on the floor, listening to a song

dusting my dresser

cutting through the greeting card aisle in the drugstore

crossing the street

folding a blanket

and anytime

I remember

that she’s gone

 

 

 

 

 





Asses, Visors, and Art

13 02 2012

Many years ago, I received a sun-visor for auditioning for Aaron Spelling’s “Sunset Beach.”  Sort of a “we’re not hiring you, but have this ugly hat anyway” gesture.  Yeah, I know, they probably didn’t hire any “nobodies” from their nation-wide audition tour; I’m sure they never planned to.  It was a publicity stunt.  But I didn’t know that then.  You guys think I’m an optimist now?  You should have seen me in my late teens and early twenties.  I really thought I had a chance.  After all, I had performance experience and a great attitude.  So many of the other applicants were simply pretty girls that wanted to be on tv.  The audition was comprised of standing on stage with ten other girls and having someone yell, “Turn around!” so that they could look at our asses.  If my ass had somehow made the cut, I can’t imagine I’d be truly happy doing a show like that.  If that had happened, I would have moved to LA, not Seattle…which means I never would have toured Europe…so I never would have performed an improvised play in a small town in Switzerland inside a beautiful, old stone tower.  It is one of my favorite memories—not just from that trip and it’s not just one of my favorite performance memories–it’s one of my favorite life memories.  Not only were my colleagues and I improvising a story with genuine characters and sincere moments, but nobody was judging the size or shape of my ass.  (Well, that I know of, anyway).  As artists, aren’t we here to tell the stories that desire to be told?  In that stone tower in Switzerland that evening, it truly felt like it was a story that wanted to be told.  I’m not sure I can say the same for “Sunset Beach.”





life

9 02 2012

the beauty of life is in those moments you share with other people

the beauty of life is in those moments you cannot possibly share with another

the beauty of life is in its contradictions





Making Art. Because.

6 02 2012

A true artist creates art because s/he has to.  Simple as that.  Whether they are able to sell their work for profit matters little in the definition as to whether they are a true artist.

When making art, we cannot judge ourselves.  The creative force is personal expression.  It is what it is.  When done with pure sincerity, it is what it wants to be–what it needs to be.  I’m not saying that critique never needs to happen.  If the art is being made for public consumption, than it is necessary to edit, refine, and improve the piece.  But during the moment of inspiration, and the creation that follows it, assessment and critique only hinder the initial process.  Art cannot come with judgment, just as vulnerability cannot come with force.  Art can come out of  judgment, however, in the way that freedom must always come from bondage.  Art, just as freedom, comes as a rebellion, as a defiance against the accepted.  It bursts out naturally, out of necessity.  There are no rules.  No walls.  It just appears.  It always does.

Inspiration cannot be planned or predicted.  It emerges in the middle of the night urging you to find your paper and pastels.  It reveals itself upon waking, when you illegibly scratch down the lyrics to a new song.  The perfect punchline becomes evident while stuck in traffic.  The poem surfaces while taking a shower.

Sometimes, after we have defined ourselves as “artists,” we expect the creativity.  We set aside time for it.  When it doesn’t happen, we disparage ourselves.  At times, we may try to create something backwards–starting with what we think would sell to the public (perhaps even trying to work back to what needs to be said).  Of course this doesn’t end well.  Even if the public likes it, we are left unfulfilled and dissatisfied with the art and ourselves.

A true artist is a steward of her/his art.  The chaperone that escorts the art from inspiration to reality.

Asking why artists create what they create is like asking a child, “Why do you play?”  Even when art touches us and delights us, there are still those who ask, “Why?”  The answer is, of course, “Because.”





Winter: Out Of Order, Please Have a Different Season Instead

2 02 2012

I would like to begin by stating that I enjoy nice weather.  I’m a huge fan.  And I certainly don’t want to come off as a complainer about the recent situation.  After all, a person who’s recovering from the flu has no business being outside when it’s a typical January or February day in Chicago, right?  So the fact that I’ve been able to–not just painlessly–but pleasantly walk a mile or two every day on account of temperatures being in the 40′s and even 50′s is something I should be praising the deities for, yes?

Perhaps.

And yet, something’s off.  It just doesn’t feel quite right.  I should be rejoicing.  Isn’t the “Dreaded Chicago Winter” the only thing that makes this city not perfect?  Haven’t I declared time and time again that, “I don’t know how long I could live here–I just don’t know how many Chicago Winters I can survive” and so on?  Didn’t I write this?  And this?  I’ve never EVER talked highly of the winters here in Chicago.  Ever.  In fact, I’ve been downright insulting.  But how can something that beats down on my soul day after day deserve respect?  How can something that freezes the moisture on my eyeballs in one short trip from train station to apartment building door expect politeness?  Why would I pay courtesy to the annual event that transforms my home into something uninhabitable?

Could it be that I have begun to love this city, warts and all?  Am I donning that badge that every true Chicagoan wears?  The badge that reads, “I’m hardcore, ’cause I wait for the bus in January.”  Getting through a winter here is something to keep track of.  We all have our metaphorical notches in our boots.  I’ve got five myself.  Wow.  Five.

I haven’t made the sixth notch yet.  Because honestly, winter hasn’t happened here yet.  Not truly.  It’s already February and we haven’t even dipped below freezing.  (I can’t believe I’ve taken issue with this!  It’s insane.  Somebody stop me!  I don’t know who I’ve become!)  I haven’t worn my serious winter coat yet (the one that weighs ten pounds, the one that is insulated so well I feel like a super hero–except I don’t look like a super hero in it–I look like a huge dork).  For the sake of all that is good in the world, I still haven’t needed to wear three pairs of pants or two pairs of gloves!  Clearly, something is very, very wrong.

Frankly, we’re all just way too comfortable.  We’re not supposed to be comfortable right now.  We’re supposed to be paying our dues, ant-ing it up in the winter months so that we can really grasshopper it when summer comes.

If this continues for much longer, Chicago could face a serious identity crisis.  Think about it.  This city is defined by good theatre, deep dish pizza, crooked politics, questionable hot dog (or veggie dog–Woot!) toppings, and shitty, shitty winters. If they take this away from us, what’s next?  Full funding for our libraries?

When will the madness end?  What will become of us?  Road work is happening in February, for goodness sake!  If construction is happening now, buds on the trees are soon to follow.  You can see the poor workers out there in their hard-hats, wandering aimlessly, filling potholes, confused by how their hibernation was cut so short.  And if they’re out this early, you know they’re going to be mating by March!

Again, I don’t want to sound ungrateful for the absolutely delightful walking-weather.  Because it has been so very splendid.  I am thankful for having the odd sensation of feeling uplifted and lighter in the middle of winter.  But the Chicagoan in me knows that it’s wrong.  Call me a martyr, but it’s February, dammit.  We shouldn’t be this comfortable.





Did you read your label?

28 01 2012

YOUR LIFE   

Special Care Instructions

The life you have is unique.  Because it is made of organic materials, natural variations in color may occur.   Any irregularities are not to be seen as defective.  Imperfections only increase your life’s natural beauty and individuality.  Please handle with care.  Turn life inside out before assuming you know everything.  Tumble high and low.  Do not use chlorine bleach.  Do not dry clean.





things I do in my thirties that I never did in my twenties

28 01 2012

buy the box of really soft tissues

understand people more

take a cab–twice in one week

love my body completely (I truly thought I’d done this in my 20′s…..but not nearly as fully)

look forward to spending a Saturday night in

realize I’m not invincible

wish I still (thought I) was

be easier on myself

spend a ton of money on a really great mattress

say ‘no’ to something I don’t want (sans guilt)








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