Dearest Third Metatarsal (on my right foot):

Firstly I would like to apologize for having not been fully acquainted with you before the incident.  You seem like such a fantastic metatarsal, and if it’s any consolation, I’ve made much more of an effort to befriend not just you but your familiar on the left foot since your regretful injury.  What can I say?  We don’t know what we’ve got till it’s gone–or in this instance–badly, badly bruised.

But now that we’ve gotten to know each other a little bit, I feel it’s time to let you know how dreadfully sorry I am for all of those years of cheap-ass shoes.  Oh!  If I’d known that “saving” all that money by purchasing $10 shoes and walking miles and miles in them would only add up to me–years later–having to spend hundreds of dollars on custom made orthotics, well let’s just say, I would’ve made less trips to Payless over the years.  Oh, but there I go again–thinking of money!  What I should apologize for is simply not being fully aware of your importance, your abilities, and your needs.

Speaking of your needs, I had some questions.  Now, I know the doctor said I should stay off of you as much as possible, ice you, continue the ultrasound therapy, etc…  With all of that, he said that you’d be fully healed in three to six weeks.  Well, I’m certainly on board for making sure you get what you need!  I love you dearly and want nothing more than for you to be all comfortable and pleased again so that we can get around and be our active, frisky, and happy-go-lucky selves.  But I was wondering if we could talk about that time frame.  Um… would you be flexible with that at all?  I mean, if I throw in some light arnica massages, could we maybe move the scheduled healing up a week or two?  How about when I visualize you being contented and gratified?  Or even the little affirmations I’ve been giving you?  Is that helping?  Or is it your little joke–turning me into “that lady who talks to her feet”…?

Admittedly I haven’t truly known you all that long, but I don’t think you’d try to play a joke on me.  I feel like this whole thing is a bit of a misunderstanding-turned-accident.  So, now that everything is out there in the open, maybe we could put the pain aside and get back to being happy.  Yes?  I eagerly await your reply.  Until then, you shall remain in (er, higher than) my heart.

Respectfully Yours,