Oh, my goddess! Look, everyone! IT’S SPRING OUTSIDE! Right now! Right now, spring is happening! Just yesterday, I was walking outside past a tree–you know, those big stick-things protruding from the ground with smaller sticks branching out from them to hold snow. Well, guess what!! Guess what I saw on the sticks!! I saw SOME GREEN SHIT coming out of the branches! GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!! Beautiful! I can’t remember the last time I saw something so beautiful!!! This tree is not just a big stick, you guys. IT’S ALIVE! It’s this beautiful living thing. AND IT’S GROWING RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES!!!!
That’s not all, you guys. There is some green stuff coming out of the ground too. That’s right. GREEN STUFF IS 
GROWING RIGHT OUT OF THE FUCKING GROUND! And when it comes up and out, it’s not done growing! Gorgeous, colorful shit called FLOWERS are going to keep growing on those beautiful green stems. AND THEY SMELL WONDERFUL!
I don’t mean to alarm you or yell at you too much, BUT YOU NEED TO GET YOUR BUTT OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW AND SMELL THE AIR AND WALK IN THE GRASS AND LOOK AT THE TREES! Seriously. GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW AND HUG A FUCKING TREE. You’ll thank me later. And if you don’t, that’s okay. I don’t fucking care. I’m so fucking happy that it’s spring outside.
Chicago actually had a winter this year–which means we all died a little bit in our soul. But not the year before that. The year before that, our winter was so lame, that we never felt dead inside. I almost missed feeling dead inside. Because when you are beat down so much by a long, cold, relentless winter, it feels amazing to have spring breeze in and rescue you. Because spring comes in and says, “Guess what! You’re not dead inside! Your spirit was just sleeping!” And just like that, YOU ARE RESURRECTED! All of a sudden, every single religious and mythical tale about resurrection makes sense. THEY ARE ABOUT SPRING, YOU GUYS! They are about how you are now saved! YOUR SOUL IS BACK! IT NEVER REALLY LEFT YOU. It just felt like it was gone. But now–now, you have a new life. And this life is fucking beautiful. Your skin can be exposed to the outside air and not hate you for it. It will love you for it. You walk outside and suddenly, everything is beautiful, you’re in love with everything, and you suddenly understand how someone could write a whole fucking poem about a blade of grass.
GET OUTSIDE, YOU GUYS! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE ALL OF THIS! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!