in the losing of someone, you gain so many things
things you didn’t want
you just want to trade all of those things back for your loved one
but you can’t
your loved one is gone and you are stuck with a crappy grab bag
filled with
sadness, anger, fear, loneliness,
and a hollow, emptied out part of your heart
“I’m sorry to hear about your loss,” they will say, kindly, not knowing what else to give you, your hands already full with the contents of your unwanted bag.
“I know it happened a while ago. I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.”
but anyone who has lost a loved one knows that there is no such thing as
belated condolences
you will never stop missing your loved one
never
and life continues and you do all sorts of things
you thought you’d do with them nearby
wishing you
good luck
and
congratulations
and
I love you
It’s so different without them there. Different than it always had been. One less.
one less at dinner
one less at the celebration
one less at all the gatherings
and there are positive thoughts and comforting quotes
but sometimes
you don’t want any of those
you just want to cry
and there is a gentle beauty in that
crying
for the knowing
that even if your loved one was here for only a brief time
how lucky you are to have had even that