Burma in the Fall

10 05 2013

I dreamt of Burma in the fall

It sounds like a poem

But it’s not

not yet

It was beautiful though….sort of like

Tennessee or Wisconsin in the Fall

but way more exotic.

Upon waking, I was glad that my subconscious did not call it Myanmar

but wondered

Can sleeping thoughts help the progress of human rights?

Let’s hope.

Because what have I really done in my waking life?

I was with my LoverHealer and he thought it would be good for me to go to

Burma in the Fall

and who am I to disagree

It worked.  I felt LovedHealed

It was beautiful,

dreaming of Burma in the Fall

It sounds like a poem

and it is


Life is Living You

28 03 2013

Life isn’t about the moments you plan to be perfect. It’s about all the other ones–the quiet ones, the screaming ones, the surprising ones.  The ones that either rip your heart out or fill you with so much love you feel divine.

Life is the ultimate improvisation.  Make your partners look good.  Look ’em in the eye.  Go out there with that magical mixture of confidence and humility.  Be generous with your own ideas and enjoy supporting the ideas of others.  Say “yes” to your own ideas before you expect anyone else to say “yes” to them.  Stay open.  Be affected by what’s happening around you.  Allow yourself to be changed.  Be sincere.

Whether you strive for perfection or don’t, you won’t get perfection.  So remove that stress and enjoy the beautiful, imperfect, unexpected moments that life will inevitably give you.  Know that you cannot avoid the difficult moments.  These are just as important to the story and you can’t skip them.  You must live through them.  Let Life tell its whole story through you–not just the fun moments you want to enjoy.  Allow every moment to transform you.

You’re not living life.  Life is living you.  Help it have fun while it’s here.  Don’t fight it.  Work with it.  Let it surprise you.  Life knows what it’s doing.

’photo by Amanda

Quote for Today

1 07 2012

When faced by any loss, there’s no point in trying to recover what has been.  It’s best to take advantage of the large space that opens up before us and fill it with something new.  -Paulo Coelho



8 05 2012

If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?

– Dogen Zenji

Transcending Loss

21 03 2012

After I lost my sister, a dear friend gave me a book on grief.  It’s called, Transcending Loss by Ashley Davis Prend and has been incredibly helpful.  Dealing with the death of a loved one is not something I can encapsulate into a sentence or even a blog entry.  At least, not right now.  Or maybe I can on some days and other days I cannot.  Something truly valuable I’ve gotten from this book is that, yes, there are lots of stages of grief, but that no, you will not necessarily feel them in any certain order.  Sometimes, you’ll be in multiple stages at once; sometimes, you’ll revisit stages you thought you already passed through.  Dealing with death is weird, sad, frustrating, gut-wrenching, liberating, and–despite my trying to do so–impossibly indescribable.  So when this book lays out in front of you all of these things you’re feeling and does so in a way that says, “Yep, what you’re going through is pretty shitty and all of those thoughts and feelings you’re having are COMPLETELY NORMAL,” it just makes you feel so much better.

This morning, I woke up with a Garth Brooks song in my head.  My sister loved Garth Brooks.  The song accompanied an image of the three of us–my two sisters and I–standing with our arms around each other.  The film maker in my head sure does know how to direct a tear-jerker, right?

Anyway, it made me reach for the book, which I actually haven’t done in a month or so.  I opened up to different pages and am moved to share some excerpts of the book here.  Who knows?  Maybe it will even help someone else who is dealing with grief.

“After the stage of Shock, grievers commonly enter the stage of Disorganization.  This is the heart of grief, and thus the most difficult……You remember the good times and the precious, ordinary moments.  You remember the bad times and all the things you wish you had said that you’ll never be able to say now.  Some days are punctuated by gut-wrenching, bittersweet, lonely moments, but on other days, you don’t feel anything at all.  You might have nightmares, health problems, or irrational phobias.  You probably think that you’re going crazy and you may even want to die.  This is a particularly difficult stage since it seems endless and in fact it may reemerge, off and on, for many years.”

Like I said, it’s helpful to have your feelings validated and to know that no, you’re not going crazy–you’re just normal.  Here’s another passage that found me this morning.

“The point is that in the beginning, in the stage of Disorganization, things are not okay.  Life is not fine.  You are not doing all right.  Someone you loved dearly, someone precious to you, has been wrested from you, and your life is left in shreds.  If someone describes a griever to me by saying, ‘Oh, she’s so strong and together; she’s handling her grief really well,’ that’s when I worry.  I think someone is handling her grief well if I hear that ‘she’s terribly upset, she’s crying constantly, she’s falling apart.’  Emotion isn’t the problem to be fixed; it’s the natural response and the ultimate solution.”

Thank you, beautifully validating book.

Judgement in Every Drop

27 01 2012

So, anyone who’s been reading my recent posts on this site knows that I’ve been sick this week.  Really sick.  I thought that I’ve had a really bad cold, but now that I’m starting to finally feel better, I’m ready to admit that I most likely had the flu.  Ugh.  It knocked me out.  I’ve been the kind of sick that when I stand up, I realize that was maybe a mistake and I should just go lay back down.  I’m way better now, of course…but still feelin’ it.

I’m a huge fan of Ricola lozenges.  They are awesome.  But because of my congestion, I also got some Halls.  Halls are like my old standby.  They are comforting.  That’s what my parents used when I was growing up.  Ricola was something I found later–my coming of age cough drop.

Halls has done something new with their packaging.  Have any of you seen it?  On the outside of every drop’s wrapper, they have little sayings–“A Pep Talk In Every Drop!” they’re calling it.  Here are some of the phrases I’ve seen:

Go get it!

Dust off and get up.   

Get back in there.

Flex your “can do” muscle.

Impress yourself today.

Buckle down and push forth!

Now, I don’t know about you, dear reader.  But when I am the kind of sick where I can’t breathe through my nose, I’m headachey, and it’s exhausting just to make myself a bowl of oatmeal, I don’t want some pushy cough drop wrapper telling me to “push forth!’  Screw you, cough drop wrapper!  How can you come off all high and mighty?!  You don’t know how I feel!  Stop tellin’ me that all I need to do is just “get back in there!’  Geez.  The nerve.  Maybe my “can do” muscle needs a rest.  Did you ever stop to think about that?!  No?  I didn’t think so.

Maybe you should reconsider your campaign, Halls.  And I’ll help you.  (Contact me via the email address on this website to find out where you can send my check.)  Here are the types of things that should be written on cough drop packages:

Be easy on yourself.

Don’t feel well?  Stay home and watch a movie!

Take a break.

You look really cute under that blanket.

Close your eyes and relax.

Embrace your bed!

See, Halls?  It’s not that difficult.  Less judgement, more validation.  That’s what we all want–especially when we’re not feeling well.

Five Really Great Things About Being Sick

23 01 2012

Whew, that sick-haze around my noggin’ is startin’ to finally dissipate.  Hence, my optimism is thankfully returning.  But I digress.  I promised a list, and here ’tis:

1)  breakfast in bed (and lunch…….and dinner)

2)  the welcome realization that you cannot smell when you haven’t taken the garbage out in days

3)  unabashed usage of comfy pants

4)  sleeping between naps

5)  watching old James Stewart movies (old movies, young James Stewart….swoon…)

I guess the irony here is that now that I’m starting to feel better, I can really appreciate being sick.  But nothing beats feeling well.  ‘Cause let’s face it.  I’m an unabashed comfy pants wearer on my healthiest of days.  And that’s a big ol’ scoop of truth right there.